He has Asperger's, too...

   So, its Monday. Not really any other..."oh gross its Monday." Monday's, either. It is the Monday after one of the WORST weekends my country has ever had. Children were brutally slain, by a young man...for unknown reasons. Young ones, their teachers, their Principal...their protectors in school. Slain for unknown reasons.

   In the quest to FIND reasons in really what I feel is an utterly UNreasonable situation, America is dissecting the gunman. His family, his life, his conditions, his upbringing, his experiences. That is what we do. Some people make careers out of it...profilers I think they're called. The rest of us "amateurs" just want to understand, as tho IF we understood...it would change anything. Make us feel safer. Make this make "sense". Um, no.

   Now, the "A" word is starting to make the rounds in the media, and likely as a result, at water coolers around the Nation this Monday of all Mondays. "Autism" "Asperger's"...the kid had it, didn't he? Some talking head said so, some law officer or DA or investigator or some "official" at the scene. The A word must be part of this puzzle...or indeed that one last piece that was hiding under the sofa cushion driving you insane because you cannot complete your picture without it.

   I can hear it now, first probably just whispers "Well you know my friend has a nephew that has IT...and my friend said the kid is kinda, you know...quiet and strange." Maybe there's a nod and sidelong glance to see if anyone is dissenting or worried about the tone of the convo. If there isn't, it might get more interesting mightn't it? More JUICY. "Well I don't like to say it, but I heard a lot of kids with Autism are aggressive as hell. They'll slap you or punch you if you so much as make eye contact. That is why they don't look at you. That is how you can tell someone has it...I mean besides all the other weird stuff they do. Some of them are darned smart tho, and that makes them even scarier if you ask me." So it will go on and things will descend in a more and more sordid account of what the A word is, how people with IT, act and what their futures are likely to be.

   Well, now! Ain't we a tolerant society, quick to embrace our fellow man...even if he is different. Um, No. No, we're not. I think the past elections made that ABUNDANTLY clear don't you? I think the already existent lines and walls and borders we have drawn around groups of people based on things like politics, religion, sex, gender, mental acuity, ability to "pass for normal"...makes that pretty evident. So, now people with Autism...anywhere along its vast and varied spectrum. are to be lumped in with a man who kills children. How...very "American" of us!

  I have a son on the spectrum. He is 9 now. He was diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD as a 1st Grader, outside diagnosis that we paid for when he kept having issues with impulse control and sitting still in class...and was receiving almost daily bad marks in his communicator as a result. It was a lengthy, tiring process that I won't go into here, tho it is detailed elsewhere in my blog. Needless to say the result was just as I wrote, I have a son on the Autism Spectrum.

   He is in 3rd Grade now, having done 1st twice, and just this year his social and academic limitations have gotten him the official A word on his school treatment plan. That took time to get...they do not hand the A word out like candy on Halloween. For many reasons...one likely being that as we begin to see now, once it is "out" that you have the A word, boy are you hanging yer butt out there to be kicked. Not just by the system or your peers...but apparently by the media and the water-cooler and social media crowd as well. FUN! 

   I wanted to share my son with you guys...in pictures. Because I want you folks to understand that Autism is a Spectrum...and the children and teens and young adults on it, are as varied as snowflakes. No, they do not all have amazing genius hiding under strangeness. Some are just average, some well below. No, they do not all grunt instead of speaking or use fancy flowery language at age 5. No they do not all have no concept of humor or never smile. No, they do not all rock back and forth or scratch themselves or pull their own hair when stressed or to calm. They all have SOME things in common and just as many unique to them. Just like non spectrum people a room full of A word folks can have infinite combinations of personality traits, some exaggerated to the point of caricature, others so subtle you'd have to be TOLD they were there.

 This is my son, on Monday...today. He is not wanting to get up for school.

Ah! I have managed to get him up, mostly. LOL! He always gets up, goes to the restroom, then brushes his teeth...while I lay out his clothes. Then he returns to dress and I put on his socks for him. We do it, just this way...every single morning. He likes routine...but so do a lot of us. ESPECIALLY, first thing in the morning.

















See...we made it to the breakfast table! Here he is taking his Concerta before school. It helps him concentrate and control his need to constantly be in motion. He knows what they are, how they help, and as you can see...he is a morning person...once you get him out of bed! Some A Word people can, and do...smile and show happiness and be silly too....because they are all individuals. What do you take before work? Coffee? Aspirin? Xanax? ;)

This is my son waiting to leave for school. He is watching Youtube videos. Videos of a man who works at a car dealership and makes video tours of every car they get in stock. My son loves these and they are the only thing he watches on Youtube. Violence, even of a cartoon nature...scares him. Until he turned 8, his favorite shows were Dora and Diego and Spongebob. He still loves the sponge...but who doesn't? :) Yes, some A Word people have special interests they indulge in to decompress. They tend to talk a lot about them and have a hard time with subject change. But in our house special interest time is structured, limited and we encourage always...participation in family chats and activities.

This is my son at a street festival we go to every year. He remembers this statue and likes to sit next to him and mug and make faces for my camera...every year. Some A Word folks...have a decent grasp on humor and can alter their facial expressions to suit that grasp. My son likes jokes, even if the more subtle one's go over his head. He can tell when I laugh at something he does it means I am happy and he likes to see me, and others happy.

This is my son with a 3 week old puppy. We raised Beagles for several years here. His gentleness with the fragile puppies was admirable...considering, A Word or no...he is still a young boy. They taught him that ALL living things can feel, be hurt, and give and receive affection if it is properly given.



This is my son with HIS Beagle. He chose her himself...and they are very happy together. He feeds her every day as part of a chore list he is responsible for. He bestows love and affection on her, often...and whenever she is in trouble with me (as Beagles often are actually lol.) she runs to him to shelter her.

This is my son with his sister...on vacation in DC. He spent a 10 day stretch with us, a long road trip...daily adventures with tons of walking and novel sounds and experiences. He rode the Metro with aplomb and soaked in the atmosphere and sweltered in the heat. He went in to art galleries and museums and behaved properly. Some A Word folks, are more than capable of managing new scenarios and experiences without meltdowns and yelling or tantrums...IF their support team/family knows how to manage and present things. There is no reason for A Word folks to have to be isolated or not experience the same things any other person would...it just has to be presented differently, and the WORLD, needs to allow that.

This is my son, loving on me. Some A Word people are VERY capable of expressing unprompted affection. If they feel safe, if they feel it will be accepted. They experiment and test it out, to see that it is not scary...that it will not be pressed upon them or that they will be ordered to give it. Affection from A Word people is a true honor because it is never faked, for politeness sake, or merely out of habit. It is real and heartfelt and it means you are very special and safe for them.

This is my son, playing car with his Daddy. Some A Word people are very capable of some form of imaginary play. Especially centered around their special interests. Note the Frisbee wheel? lol...












This is my son, wearing feathers on Thanksgiving. He helped us do the crafts and enjoyed it. Some A Word folks...enjoy being part of a safe group and doing things together. He and his sister are very close and he plays with her and trusts her not to ask too much of him.

Don't mistake any of the above for an attempt to say my son is "normal". He is not...not that any outside person would accept as such. He hums, makes beeping car noises to himself. He wrings his hands and leans side to side. He darts glances or looks past your shoulder instead of into your eyes, he touches novel flooring and interrogates rather than has conversations. He doesn't give a rip about other children or people unless they come into his space and present themselves properly. He has no idea WHAT to say when unknown people ask him to play or his opinion...unless he is given a script to follow. He has Asperger's...he IS Asperger's. But, he is also a snowflake...different from likely anyone else on Earth...like we ALL are. He does not deserve to be mentioned in the same breath with a killer, or dissected by water cooler talk, he is what he is. A loved member of a dedicated family that bears ultimate responsibility for the man he will some day become...and we understand that. Just as I hope that EVERY parent out there, understands that. Thanks for reading...and please do feel free to share this post.